In One Day's Time

Today was a day full of one liners from my male friends.  I cannot begin to describe how perfectly fitting they are to this blog.  So enjoy...

I had to get all dressed up and what not today and this is what my coworker said to me: "You look like a girl!" "You smell like a girl!"

Later on in the day: "First women think they can vote, then they want to drive, next they will want to be in the White House!"

Me: "all my female friends are more attractive then me."
Male Friend: "you could be like a dating service to all of us!"

Male Friend: "You look so normal now."
Me: "I know, I feel like me again."
Male Friend: "You should put back on what you were wearing before. It looked pretty."

Thanks guys!  You really lift my self-esteem higher and higher haha

You're Not Helping

So recently I went out on this date with a guy an afterwards I come to find out (not from him btw) that he just didn't feel there was a spark between us, which happens all the time and I understand....oh and I'm not religious enough.  Personally I find this hilarious!  Mostly because he went on and on about how much he liked me and how I met the criteria for his checklist.  Clearly he made an oversight because I have never pretended like I gave a shit about religion.  I have nothing against people who do, I just don't.  But this isn't where I'm going with this post. 

I found this whole thing out from our friend, and even though our personalities didn't mesh and I'm not exactly heartbroken, having someone go from all over you to no longer liking you overnight is a bit of a self-esteem drop.  So needless to say I was a little frustrated, and venting about it to the friend who told me the bad news.  Somewhere along the conversation I brought up how I hang out with men on campus mostly because all of my female friends are more attractive then me.  Being a good friend he of course said "oh common that cannot be true." I then proceeded to name off all the female friends we have and point out how they are more attractive to me.  I know, not healthy, but it still happened.  Anyway, I get to this one friend of mine who we work with who is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and my male friend proceeds to say "yeah, but that is like comparing Heidi Klum to the average girl"....

Men, it is never a good idea to tell a woman that she doesn't look like a super model.  We know we don't and frankly I don't want to go through the desperate measures to get there.  That's a lot of plastic going in and a lot of fat coming off and frankly I like food too much.  But even though I know I'm not as pretty as a super model, I don't want a guy to rub it in my face, let alone tell me one of my coworkers and friends is as pretty as a super model and I will never be able to compare.  This is so not helpful, and the sad part is he meant it to try and make me feel better!

For the record, my friend was legitimately trying to help, just saying all the wrong things.  But this begs the question of why is that ever guy I know feels they can say whatever they want to me and think it is okay?  I know they can get away with a lot more when talking to me then some other women, but I'm still a girl.  When I'm feeling down, don't tell me I'm not pretty.  Also, telling me that ever guy I know wants to "tap that" in reference to my friend doesn't help either.  I don't mean to rip on my friend though because in the end he did help me feel better, but it took a long time for him to remove his foot from his mouth. 

The next time I feel I need a mans help I'll just walk up the street to the store and buy myself some ice cream, because frankly Ben & Jerry are the only two men who understand how to make me feel better.  

"I would Pay a Billion Dollars to Whoever Told me What Girls Gossip About."

My guy friend said this to me once, and I feel as though all men need to hear this:  If you want to know what girls gossip about, try paying attention when they are talking to you.  You don't have to pay us, we will just tell you.  However, ladies feel free to use this for monetary gain.  Hell, you can even make stuff up so the guy will keep paying you for information.  It's not like he's going to act on it anyway.  Not the point though.  Point is my friend wanted to know what girls around the station said about him, and he was so curious he would be willing to pay.  Unfortunately, I demanded no money and now I have to tell him for free.  Learn from my mistake.
However, this got me thinking, what other things do my guy friends ask of me?  What deep and meaningful knowledge do I have of the female brain do I have that they have craved to extract from me? Mostly they just want me to explain what a text from a girl meant, or if because that girl talked to them it means she likes them.  By the way the answer is no not necessarily; especially since she was drunk, or you were.  As far as the texting thing goes, I have been called over to my friends house to read a text from a girl and tell him what it is she meant by "yeah getting together sounds great, I'm just sooo busy right now." I think we already know the answer to that one.  Why am I being summoned away from my leisure to tell you what you already know?
I have also been asked things like, "why do girls enjoy facials?" and by facials I mean blowing your cum all over her face.  To that I can only respond "who the fuck told you we enjoy those?!?!"  We don't like being sprayed with your little buddies, girls have just agreed to it because for some reason you guys enjoy it.  And if you find a girl that won't object more power to you but that doesn't mean she likes it.  I'm sure some girls do, but I haven't met one.  The funny thing was after telling this guy this, he seemed like he had genuinely been informed of something.  Which begs the question, are men this easy to impress? If a girl doesn't object to something are you automatically impressed? Are there that many stuck up bitches out there? For example, the blow job has become a pretty standard thing, yet I have seen two men get all excited at the discovery that a girl they knew did them.  When I informed them it wasn't a big deal, they continued to get excited....seriously guys? Are you really this easy?  But it's true; you are.  All I have to say is shoes and men automatically tune out and in order to get them back? Take your pick of phrases. Lesbian experience, free porn, blow job, this one time at band camp. Basically anything that is related to or can be related to sex and they are all ears. 
 But I've gotten away from the point.  Men, if you really want to know what women gossip about listen to your girlfriend talk about her friends just once instead of tuning her out to listen to the game.  We know you don't actually care, but if your so curious tune in for 5 minutes and you'll get a better understanding.  Granted you wont get the whole story, because when your not around we do talk about you guys, a lot.  Like we tell each other everything.  Yes, everything.  If you cried to The Notebook, we know about it.  If you purposed a crazy sex move, we know about.  We know things about our female friends we never wanted to know, and that means we know more about their boyfriends then we ever wanted to know.  Or the guys they fooled around with.  Especially if you were an asshole.  Then all your poor or small qualities will be spread like wildfire.  Which is just another reason you should treat us with respect, because if we really wanted to we could destroy your life.  Were just nice people and we tend not to.
But again I digress.  Men what you need to take away from this post: Girls gossip about you all the time, and yes we know what your dick size is. If you want more information please contact your closest female friend and she will inform you of what you want to know.  Most likely.  No guarantees though. Women what you need to take away from this post is: Men are stupid and we have a lot more power over them then we realize.  Even if some of the power isn't totally ethical or legal.  I mean we can't technically blackmail them, but even within our legal and ethical boundaries we're still a lot more powerful then you might think. 

The Title is a Fact & a Sexual Innuendo

I'm starting this blog mostly because over the course of the last year or so I have realized that not only have I been surrounded by men, I only continue to gain male companions.  You see I am currently a junior in college and I'm majoring in Electronic Media, aka a field predominately made up of men.  At least this is what I have been told.  But I would like to clarify this blog isn't to complain.  I love my male coworkers and friends.  Wouldn't trade them for the world, and I fit right in with the guys.  I have a very dirty mind and I feel as though I have earned their respect and my place at our on campus station.  However, sometimes I think they forget that I am a girl, and this is where the blog comes in.  This first post is mostly introduction.  But as the semester continues and more crazy things happen, be sure that they will all be documented on this lovely new blog of mine.  It's all for laughs, so let the insanity begin! 
What has happened so far you ask? I'll tell you later. I'm too tired right now.  And guys, don't pretend like you have never heard that one before.